Matthew* and his wife sat in the pew, their hearts full of hope as the church service began. It had been months since they last stepped into a sanctuary, and they had carefully packed Nate’s* bag with all his favorite items. Most importantly, they packed Nate’s drawing supplies—he loved to draw.
As Nate rummaged through his bag, his small hands grew frantic. A crayon was missing—not just any crayon, but the one he used the most. His breathing quickened. His hands began flapping. A soft hum escaped his lips, then grew into a repetitive chant. Matthew and his wife locked eyes, a silent understanding passing between them. They braced themselves, knowing what was about to unfold.
People turned. The whispers started. Heads shook in disapproval.
As Nate’s stimming intensified, Matthew instinctively reached for their things, preparing for a quick exit. But before he could move, the pastor stopped mid-sermon, his gaze settling on them. The room fell silent—except for Nate, whose voice now echoed through the sanctuary.
A deaconess quietly approached and leaned in. “Can you make him be quiet?” she whispered.
The words stung. The stares deepened. And at that moment, Matthew knew they weren’t welcome here.
Across the country, many families raising children on the autism spectrum face similar challenges in traditional church settings. For Matthew and his wife, that missing crayon was a small trigger for a much larger reality—one that affects a growing number of families.
AUTISM ON THE RISE
Autism is more common than many realize. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 1 in every 36 children is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), a neurodevelopmental condition that affects how a person communicates, learns, and interacts with the world. The term “spectrum” reflects the broad range of experiences—some children may have subtle differences in social interaction, while others face significant communication and sensory processing challenges.
In medical communities, autism is categorized into three levels based on the level of support needed: Level 1 (requiring minimal support), Level 2 (moderate support), or Level 3 (significant support). While people with autism have similarities, no two people experience it the same way. A child may have traits from multiple levels, meaning a one-size-fits-all approach doesn’t work. Instead, churches must focus on personalized support and understanding to create truly inclusive spaces.
CHALLENGES FACED BY FAMILIES
Imagine stepping into a bustling church service. The bright lights glare, the microphone pops, the drums boom, and voices echo from every direction. For a child with autism, these sounds don’t blend into the background; instead, they hit all at once—like a radio blasting multiple stations simultaneously. This “sensory overload” can be overwhelming, leading to distressing reactions as the child tries to cope.
In addition to this, families raising children on the autism spectrum may encounter:
• Misunderstanding and Judgment – Stimming (such as hand-flapping, rocking, or vocalizations) is often misinterpreted as misbehavior.
• Lack of Accommodations – Many churches are not equipped with quiet spaces, sensory-friendly areas, or trained volunteers to assist.
• Social Isolation – Families may feel unwelcome or judged, leading them to stop attending services altogether.
“Starting or improving an ASD ministry in a church is a beautiful way to ensure that all individuals, regardless of their abilities, can feel welcomed, supported, and included in the church community,” says Lileth Coke, Atlantic Union Conference Disabilities Ministries director.
OVERCOMING STIGMA AND MISINFORMATION
Sharleen Ramos, vice principal at South Lancaster Academy with nearly two decades in special education, emphasizes that education and open conversations are key. “Some common misconceptions about autism, especially in church settings, is that just because the child isn’t ‘behaving’ in church, the parents don’t know how to control their children,” says Ramos. She suggests that members recognize their biases and replace negative feedback with compassion.
“Parents don’t have children thinking they’ll have an autistic one,” says Leif Torres, who is father to two boys on the autism spectrum and author of Shia’s Special Abilities and Shia’s Amazing Traits. Over the years, his most positive experiences have been at churches where members showed support and empathy, not judgment.
Both Ramos and Torres emphasize the benefits of getting to know the parents or caregivers and listening to their observations. “They know their child best. They know [the child’s] strengths and areas of weakness,” Ramos explains. “It does take a village to raise a child; [however] sometimes our village needs to be a little bit stronger when we have our friends who have disabilities.”
“Children with special needs are just as capable of experiencing and engaging with spiritual matters, worship, and biblical teachings as any other child,” Coke adds. “With thoughtful and personalized approaches, we can help them develop a strong spiritual foundation that speaks to their hearts. It’s all about meeting them where they are and creating an environment where they can feel loved, accepted, and part of the community.”
CREATING AN INCLUSIVE CHURCH ENVIRONMENT
Providing a structured environment with a consistent routine will help the children feel engaged and secure,” says Deanna Lambert, who currently serves as a chairperson on the Committees on Special Education for the New York City public school system. She suggests incorporating “visual supports,” such as schedules and social stories that explain what is coming next in the service as a simple yet effective tool. “These help them to be organized in their brain, and knowing what is coming next helps to set up that necessary structure. It gives them clear expectations and helps with transitions.”
Torres admits that stimming and other behaviors can disrupt a church service and significantly impact people’s concentration. “Let’s be honest; it’s not okay to let your child stim or scream. But it helps if the church has a place for that child to go to [when it happens] instead of the car.” He suggests churches create an ASD-friendly space—something similar to a mother’s room but with items specific to addressing the sensory needs of a child with autism (see sidebar below). “Having a TV or speaker in there where the parents could still hear the [preached] word is important, too, because this isn’t just about the [ASD] children.”
Lambert agrees and encourages churches to establish clear safety rules for such spaces. “Churches offering visiting parents a ‘sensory-tool box’ with noise-reducing headphones, or a designated quiet area where the child can retreat [accompanied by their caregiver] can be very beneficial.” Lambert also emphasizes how assigning a trained volunteer or peer buddy can provide reassurance for both the child and the parents. “Children are natural at this. Their language is much simpler than ours, and they can be more patient. They can help guide them through activities and navigate the experience. [Children with autism] may function better knowing there’s another child to help them, and the children assisting them benefit from serving, helping, and leading out.”
FROM AWARENESS TO ACTION
Creating a welcoming church environment requires more than good intentions—it takes education, intentionality, and a willingness to adapt. Small changes—offering sensory-friendly spaces, training volunteers, and fostering a culture of understanding—can make all the difference for families raising children with autism. A church where every child, regardless of ability, is embraced as a valued member of God’s family isn’t just possible—it’s necessary.
“I would love to see a church where I walk in and there is a sign saying ‘Welcome! ASD friendly!’” Torres says. “To me, that means that the church is aware and understands. Then I could let my guard down a bit and enjoy the worship service.”
*A true story. Names have been changed to protect the identity of the family.
[SIDEBAR]
Creating an ASD-Friendly Space
Creating a welcoming and supportive environment for families of children with autism doesn’t require significant changes—small, thoughtful accommodations can make a big difference. Something as simple as flexible seating options in the sanctuary with space for the child to stand or move can help children feel more comfortable. Below is a list of practical, budget-friendly ideas to help make your church a more inviting space for these families. Open conversations with parents and caregivers are key to understanding their child’s specific needs, and local schools can also provide valuable recommendations.
• Fidget toys
• Noise-canceling headphones
• Sensory wall panels or tactile boards
• Padded mats
• Weighted blankets
• Bean-bag chairs or floor cushions
• Soft lighting or dimmer switch
• White noise machine or calming music
• Speaker with adjustable volume
• Small tent
• Visual schedules and social story boards
• Click HERE for additional links and information.
